holidays

I've enjoyed spending a lot of time with my family over the last week.  Things are starting to settle down and that's good!  My goal is to re-focus my energy on exercise and good food choices.  This past week I only exercised once, due to work and family obligations.  I did manage to get up and go for a run/walk on Christmas morning, which was nice.  It helped me feel better about all of the garbage I ate throughout the rest of the day!  This morning I did just over five miles, then came home and mowed the lawn.  I'm really trying to be good about the food I'm eating today as well.  I've let too many holiday cookies and treats sneak into my diet.  It's just so hard! 

oops

Holiday parties and family obligations have gotten me these last two weeks!  I'm up a little (at 223 today) but it's all good.  I know after tomorrow (Christmas day!) I can go back to eating better and exercising.  My goal is to be one of those annoying people who start a diet on January 1-- not that I'm going to start a strict diet or anything; rather, I'm going to work on NOT eating as many sweets as I have been.  I do pretty well usually, except for the desserts.  If I can get my cookie and chocolate addiction under control, I should start seeing some better results.  I'd like to be at the 100 lb lost mark when I hit the one year mark during the first of June.  That would be quite an accomplishment and I think I can do it!  I don't like to set goals based on numbers and associate them with time limits, though.  I don't like feeling like a failure when I don't make a deadline.  I'm doing the best I can do, making good choices toward health and that's all I can ask for of myself.  I don't want to end up beating myself up because I didn't make this goal or that goal.

Stuff

I'm not ready for Christmas.  For the break yes, for the gift giving, no.  It's crazy that we work right up until 3 PM on the 23rd too.  This week is going to be very hectic, with family coming into town and shopping to get done AND work!  I'm thinking there won't be many workouts except Monday and Tuesday this week.  It's all good though; I will have two whole weeks off, and hopefully the weather will be nice and I can do some running outside.  Speaking of weather, I'm bummed because it's raining today, and I had hoped to do a run today.  Husband and I gave each other new phones for Christmas (early, of course)!  This fancy new phone has all kinds of apps I can't wait to use to track my distance, speed and calories burned.  I suppose it will just have to wait  until I'm on break.  I also plan to clean out the spare bedroom.  I have PILES of clothes in there that are too big now.  I'm ready to get rid of them.  I don't think I will ever allow myself to be as big as I was again, and I don't want to hold onto clothes that are too big with the idea that I may need them again.  Nope, not going to need them... and if I do, I'll buy new ones. 

Another milestone!

I wore my size 18 jeans to work today for our casual day.  I kept having to pull them up all day!  They're too big!
I stopped by Old Navy after work just to check it out, and left the proud owner of a pair of 16s that FIT!  Holy smokes!  I haven't seen size 16 in FOREVER!

Lucky

I'm lucky that my injury is minor.  My doc said I ruptured my plantaris, which is a minor tendon in the calf.  I was told that within a week I should be back to my normal activity.  I feel much better already, though I'm still limping just a bit.  I'm definitely lucky!

Injury

Yesterday at the gym I did something to my calf.  I was doing the circuit, and had finished the leg press and moved to the step for cardio work.  As I stepped down off the box, I felt a pop in my right calf.  It was very bizarre because I heard it-- it sounded like my knee popping but lower.  As soon as I tried to put any weight on my calf, I felt a sharp pain.  I managed to hobble out of the gym an drive myself home, where I put the leg up and had some hydrocodone to help me sleep.  It feels a little better today, but I still took the day off.  My job requires me to do a lot of walking and I just wasn't up for that.  So now I'm just waiting for my doctor's office to open so I can try to get in to see him today.  I figure I need to get bloodwork done anyway, so I may as well go see him and kill two birds with one stone (and one co-pay).
I'm anxious about having this entire day off with nothing to do and limited mobility.  I'm normally up and about so much all day every day, I'm not sure how I'm going to keep from going stir crazy. 
I'm a little scared too.  I've really been enjoying my workouts and I don't want to have to take too much time away from that.  My husband says we can just work upper body while the leg heals, which is good I guess.  I just don't want to get into my old pattern of eating a lot and not working out.  I get that I may gain a little weight while I'm nursing this injury, but I don't want to lose the routine I've got going that includes intense exercise several times a week.  I guess I'll just have to see what the doc says.

shopping

I did some major shopping this weekend!  I spent more money than I should have, but I love what I got.  I bought myself a pair of running shoes AND a pair of cross trainers at the Nike outlet on Friday.  I'm in love with these shoes!!!  I also got some new jeans at Old Navy.  Yes, I'm able to fit into stuff at Old Navy again! It's been YEARS since their stuff fits!  I got a sweatshirt and some pj pants too, and would you believe the XXL pj pants I got are a little too big?!?  The size 18 jeans fit well, but a little loose too.  I'm amazed.  For as long as I can remember, I've had to shop at the plus size stores, and now I'm fitting into things at regular stores!?!

I plan to work out and be more mindful of what I'm eating between now and Christmas, because I know I'll be eating a lot over the holiday!  I've done alright over this Thanksgiving weekend, and I'm not displeased at all with my weight as of this morning-- 226.4.  Having to put the cat down was extremely stressful and I ate a lot last week, then ate a lot on Thanksgiving.  I know my workouts have helped keep the weight semi-stable, and that's good.  I'm enjoying working out a lot.  It makes me feel so much better to be active, so my other goal is to work out at least three times a week.  So far this has not been a problem at all, and I've been able to work out as much as six times a week.  I'm varying my workouts and have moved to weights, paying particular attention now to my arms.  My arms have been pretty much ignored as I've been working on cardio and legs. 

Anyway... that's pretty much it from here for now.  :)

Gain!

I'm not surprised to see the scale creeping up.  This has been a horribly stressful week, with having to put my ancient cat down on Thursday.  I got her when she was already grown and old and she was with me for 17 years.  Needless to say, the stress of losing her has seen me voraciously attacking cookies, candy and many other not so good for me foods.  I'm continuing to exercise, and I figure as long as I stay active it's all good.  Besides that, I am not dissatisfied at all with my current weight.  That seems strange to say, considering I'm still over 200 pounds.  I look at myself in the mirror though and I like what I see.  Yeah, I'd like to lose some more weight, but I know that will happen in time so I'm not really stressed about it.

Weigh in

My first 5k and other things!

I'm doing really well and I'm extremely proud of the progress I'm making.  I had a little spell there during September where I was feeling overwhelmed and was relying on chocolate and desserts to make me feel better.  I've recently found myfitnesspal.com, and it's helping me track my eating a little better.  I've been using it for just over a week now and I am having great success so far.  The OCD in me loves the tracking aspect of this program!
Last week I completed my first race.  It was so much fun!  I'm extremely proud of myself for running the entire thing.  My time was 41:52, which is good for me.  It means about a 13 minute mile.  I did the race to raise money for pancreatic cancer research, and in honor of my step-grandmother who is currently battling pancreatic cancer.  It was such an emotional day on so many levels because not only was I doing it for her, I was doing it for myself.  Six months ago I weighed almost 300 pounds and couldn't imagine that I would enjoy running.  I cried when I crossed the finish line and I'm already looking to see when my next race will be.
This morning I got up early and did 4.7 miles.  I walked 1.2 of that and ran the rest.  It took me a long time but it's all good; I wasn't familiar with the course and there were some big hills I'm not used to.  I love waking up early and running.  It just makes me feel so good for the whole rest of the day.
I'm on track for my mini-goal of losing ten pounds to receive a reward of shoes I want.  My start weight for that was 231 and I've got to lose 10 pounds.  Today I weighed in at 225.6, so as long as I can hold it together and not go crazy at Thanksgiving, I should be at 221 sometime around the first of December.  It would be awesome to go into a new year at my next big goal of 212, but I don't know.  We'll see.

thoughts on my body

I received an amazing compliment from a co-worker yesterday.  He told me I am an amazing woman, and an inspiration to him and others.  He asked me about the 5K I'm running tomorrow and told me I am inspiring him to try and do more exercising.  He also said he's so amazed at how much I've accomplished in the last three years, not just physically but personally and professionally.  (I know he wasn't flirting with me either, because he's not into women...)

Anyway that got me thinking.  It's interesting to me that I've now lost over 60 pounds.  Yes.  Me.  Over sixty pounds lighter.  And do you know what?  I STILL FEEL FAT AND FLABBY.  Yes, I do have a lot more weight to lose.  Ideally I'd like to get to around 150-160, which means I have another 70 pounds or so to lose.  In my mind I'm chunking that up into more doable mini-goals... I've set a goal to be at 221 by Christmas, which will mean a 10 pound loss from last week.  I should be able to lose ten pounds in the six or so weeks left until Christmas.  I don't usually do tangible rewards for weight loss, but there's a pair of sparkly purple Vans I have my eye on and I've promised myself those when I hit 221.  When I reach 212, I'll be at the lowest weight I've been in 15+ years.  After that is the under 200, and just beyond that is the 100 pound loss mark.  I know I can continue to lose weight because it's become easy for me.  I enjoy exercising and I'm very careful about what I eat now. 

I should be proud of myself and excited about how far I've come already, right?  I shouldn't feel flabby and unattractive.  Clothes shopping is fun for me now because everything I try on fits.  I'm not the biggest size in the store and praying they have something that will just be comfortable and not make me feel like a whale.  I'm able to try on lots of things and find things that look good.

So why is it that when I look in the mirror, all I see is my giant, flabulous stomach?  My legs are amazing.  They're pretty much solid muscle.  Seriously, you should see them.  I'm quite proud of my legs.  My arms have shrunk a lot too.  My face has a shape again.  My breasts have held their own and haven't shrunk too badly.  But my stomach.  It just hangs there and sticks out.  In my mind I know it's much, much smaller than it was and I wonder how in the world I ever carried it around?  It seems so big NOW!   I can't imagine it was ever smaller!

I know a lot of this is my own body image issue.  I'm doing amazing work.  I'm down from a pant size 26 to an 18-20 depending on the cut.  I'm able to wear an XL shirt instead of a 3X.  I have so much more energy than I ever thought possible.  I don't hurt getting up off the floor.  I'm running 3+ miles several times a week and doing weight training in between.  I wonder if I'll ever be satisfied with how I look?  I wonder if anyone is?

IMG00437-20111026-0549.jpg

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Update

I'm proud of the progress I'm making with my workouts. I'm definitely getting stronger and pushing myself more than I ever thought possible. In June, I was challenging myself to jog 60 steps without stopping. At the end of that, I was horribly winded and miserable. Today I walked a mile, then jogged two more miles without stopping. The jogging portion took about 25 minutes, and I could have done more but it was 98 degrees outside and like an idiot I started my workout at 1:30 in the afternoon. Needless to say, next time I plan to start when the sun is a little less intense!
I'm proud of the physical changes I'm seeing as well. I have collar bones and I'm almost down to one chin! I bought some jeans in a size 18 this past weekend, and wore them comfortably today.
I wonder sometimes what took me so long to start this. For years I hated exercise and lived for desserts. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me, but in all honesty I'm a little sad about how much time I wasted being fat, lazy and uncomfortable.
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right...

So my scale claims I've gained 3.2 pounds in two days. 

Yesterday I jogged 4 miles wearing ankle weights.  Maybe I've gained that much muscle?

plateau?

My weight loss has definitely slowed way down.  I don't know that it's necessarily a plateau.  I'm thinking more like it's been due to a lot of stress I've had lately.  In addition to an observation at work, I had parent/teacher conferences and my mother's wedding this past weekend.
I cope with stress by eating.  I've been eating a lot of things I shouldn't.  Honestly I'm surprised I've had any loss at all, and I'll take it.  I was expecting to see a huge gain after this past weekend.  I ate and drank a lot at Mom's wedding.  I'm down a pound since last Thursday though, which puts me pretty much back to where I was two weeks ago.  I'm hoping now that the stress of these things is over, I can re-focus myself on eating better.

This data is a little depressing:

#	Date	Weight
1	10/10/2011	234.0	Edit || Delete
2	09/28/2011	233.8	Edit || Delete
3	09/27/2011	234.8	Edit || Delete
4	09/24/2011	235.8	Edit || Delete
5	09/23/2011	236.0	Edit || Delete
6	09/21/2011	237.6	Edit || Delete
7	09/15/2011	235.8	Edit || Delete
8	09/14/2011	236.4	Edit || Delete
9	09/11/2011	237.6	Edit || Delete

up and down

My weight, my attitude, my love for exercising... it's all going up and down and up and down.  I was at 236 this morning.  I'm not beating myself up because I'm sure it's a stress thing, a water retention thing, and a PMS thing.  This week at work has been insane, with an observation, conference scheduling, and a million meetings and after school obligations.  Next weekend is my mom's wedding.  My goal was to be at 235 or under for it.  I'm close, and since I'm staying in a hotel the night before the wedding, I won't have my scale with me.  I'll have no real way of knowing if I actually met that goal or not... and truthfully it doesn't matter.  I've lost a lot of weight.  I've worked really hard.  I'm proud of how my body is looking.  I'm excited about the dress I got to wear for her wedding.  If I'm 236 or even 240 on her wedding day it doesn't really matter.
I plan to go back to being more careful about what I'm eating after the wedding.  I've actually been doing a good job of making it to the gym at least three times a week to do some intense workouts.  I'm also looking forward to the weather finally getting under 100 so I can start walking the dogs in the evenings.  That will help too I'm sure.

Weigh in

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an update

I've become way more lapse about what I'm eating.  My portion sizes are way smaller, I'm exercising and I feel fantastic.  I've gotten some new clothes and many compliments about what I'm doing.  I'm having trouble giving up sweets though.  I feel like I've cut so many other things from my life:  sedentary ways, soda, laziness, fried foods, etc.
Overall I'm doing well.  The weight is dropping slowly but that's alright.  I'm content with the progress I've made and continue to make.

A gain

This week I had my first gain since June.  It's all good though, and I"m not letting it get me down.  I know it's part water retention from eating too much sodium, and part muscle gain from increasing my workout intensity. 

I'm up but not down!

I weighed myself today and I was up 2 lbs.  It's all good though; I'm pretty sure it was just water retention because I had a ton of sodium yesterday.  I'm doing everything right.  Eating well, exercising, drinking lots of water.  I'm confident the scale will come back down.
I went to the gym this morning and had a great workout on the stair stepper and the treadmill.  Yup, I burned over 800 calories!  Woohoo!  :)

Proud

I'm feeling especially proud of myself today.  It was weigh in day and I showed a 4.2 pound loss.  I'm quite sure a lot of that was water I had been previously retaining, but I'll take it.  It puts me that much closer to my goal of being under 235 for my mom's wedding on October 8. 
In other news, I wore a dress to work today.  I haven't worn a dress to work in over ten years.  Leggings are amazing!  I got lots of compliments from my co-workers and students.  It felt good to feel good about how I looked. 

Wednesday weigh in

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Tuesday part 2

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Tuesday part 1

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Kickin' some ass!

I continue to kick ass with my workouts.  It feels so good to burn 600 or 700+ calories in one workout.  I never thought I would say this, but I LOVE WORKING OUT!  There, I said it!  My husband has been an awesome support and he's helping me train.  I love that he's so supportive. 

In other news, I did some shopping this weekend and bought myself some new bras.  Pretty bras with underwires.  No more floppin' around for the girls!  :)

I need another day off.  Hopefully the week goes quickly.

Sunday workout part 2

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Sunday workout part 1

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Under 240!

I couldn't help myself.  I had to get  on the scale this morning.  I knew I was close to being under 240; I had no idea I was well below it already.  238.4 was what  greeted me this morning.  It was a nice way to start a long day.

Today's workout

Did another 5k! Made decent time too!

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My first 5k!

My goal for today was to do a 5k on the treadmill.  I did it and then some.  I'm so super proud of myself!!!

I gave in

The scale has been calling to me from the spare bedroom.  I gave in this morning and got it out.  240.6 is what greeted me.  That means I've now lost 50.2 pounds since the third week of May.  I'm amazed by this!  I'm super proud of this!  I feel great about this! 
Interestingly, when I look in the mirror I don't always see the difference.  Every now and then I notice subtle changes; like how my stomach is smaller and I am less round.  My pants are all requiring a belt now and my shirts are too big.  I'm scared to spend a lot of money on new things because I plan to continue exercising and eating well.  I've got at least another 70 pounds to go before I'm done.  One day at a time though.

Today's workout

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Gracious!

I had to get the scale out of the back room because today is Wednesday.  I'm at an even 242.  That's a 2+ lb loss for the week and puts me at 49 total pounds lost.  Um WOW!  To celebrate, I went back to the  gym again today and busted my butt!  Five minute warm up walk, followed by 20 minutes on the elliptical, followed by a 5 minute jog on the treadmill and finished off with a 5 minute walk.  YEAH me!
In other news, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and was surprised.  I'm smaller.  I don't look nearly as bloated.  I actually liked what I saw! 

Today's workout

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slackin'

I've had my first cold of the year and it sucked!  I spent the last few days feeling miserable and overly tired.  Thankfully I'm starting to feel much better.  Because I have been sick, I haven't exercised since Wednesday.  Today is Monday.  Yeah, that's five days with doing nothing.  It makes me feel like a total slacker.  Good thing I've hidden the scale from myself because I know it's not where I want it to be either.  Tomorrow I plan to get back to the gym to work on my walking/running.  Wednesday I was able to do 7 minute jog intervals with 2 minute walks in between.  I logged over 2 miles in 30 minutes, which is really good for me... especially considering that three months ago, I could barely even walk across Wal-Mart without feeling winded. 
Nothing much else to report.  Still trying to eat better, ready to get back to exercising, still keeping the scale in the spare room. 

I caved

It's Wednesday.  I got on the scale.  I figure once a week is much better than multiple times a day, right?  Two pound loss this week, despite all the crap I ate.  Go me!

I continue!

I feel strange without the scale.  It's strangely liberating and strangely scary at the same time.  My eating wasn't the best this past weekend, but it wasn't horrid either.  Despite the fact that I ate a lot of bad stuff, I didn't  waaaaay overdo it like I would have in the past.  I'm also exercising regularly, as in riding my bike at least 3 times per week and going to the gym at least 3 times per week.  I figure if I can clock 6 good workouts per week, I'm doing great! 
I'm going to leave the scale in the spare room for awhile.  I'm much more relaxed without it.

A new outlook

After talking to a friend today, I realize how unhealthy my obsession with the scale has become.  I weigh myself a minimum of three times a day, no kidding.  It's all well and good to have an idea of how much you weigh, but checking three times a day?  That's just borderline obsessive.

I'm moving the scale from my bathroom to the spare bedroom, where it can live with the pile of pants that are too big.  I will bring it out every so often to check in.  I haven't decided just how often that will be yet, but the important thing is I'm not going to continue to obsess about my weight.

I've made some AMAZING changes in the last three months.  I've drastically cut the amount of sugar I consume, and I've started to exercise and enjoy exercising!  These are healthy choices that will eventually result in my reaching a more healthy weight for my frame.  Until then, I need to slow down and relish in the positivity of the choices I am making, rather than stress and fret about the number on the scale.  So that's that.  :)

Wednesday weigh in

A loss is a loss!

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3 pounds?

How does one gain three pounds in one day?

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

Progress

I have started weighing and tracking my weight every single day.  It's a bit exhausting sometimes, but it gives me good data to look at when I'm feeling not so good about something I've eaten or done.  I realized this morning, as I stared at the data, that I have lost a lot of weight!  Like 40+ lbs!  It's weird because I still see a fat girl staring back at me in the mirror.  I can see a change in my face; it's definitely slimmer.  My stomach, not so much.  I know it will get there, and I just have to be patient.  It's frustrating though, because I know I'm smaller than I was when I started this the last week of May.  My size 26's were tight then.  My 22's are loose now.  Beyond sizes and shapes, I see the biggest difference in my attitude and energy level.  I wake up ready to go, instead of dragging and in desperate need of coffee.  I exercise at least five times a week, many times twice a day.  I eat so much better.  I take vitamins every day without fail.  I need to remind myself this is a process of change, and it takes time.  You don't just decide one day you want to lose weight, wake up the next day and it's gone. 

Wednesday weigh in

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34?!?

There are 34 students on my roster.  Yes, 34.  We had meet the teacher night yesterday and 23 of them showed.  That's the most I've ever had show up.  I won't know what my exact numbers  are until tomorrow, since that's the first day of school!  In the meanwhile, I have to sequester 10 more desks and find space for them in my classroom.  Yes, last year I only had 24 kids, so I only have 24 desks in my room.  Fingers crossed something gives and my number stays under 30 this year.  WHEW!

In other news, the cat woke me up at 4:30 this morning.  I could have gone back to sleep, but I hauled my booty out of bed and went for a bike ride.  My everything is still sore from doing circuit training on Saturday.  I was tempted not to do anything today, but I figured I'd better.  Go me.

Hmmm

I may be plateauing.
It's all good.  I knew it would happen.  I'm focusing on incorporating more exercise and less of an emphasis on watching every.single.thing that goes into my mouth.  I joined a gym that's on my way home.  I stopped in on Friday and did circuit training and some free weight work.  I've been waking up well before the sun is even up to get in a 45 minute bike ride.  I feel amazing.  It's hard to not let what the scale is saying be frustrating.  I've got to focus on how I feel and the changes I've made, though.  Four months ago if you would have told me I'd be working out regularly and not craving cake all day, I would have laughed at you.

Comparison pics

 For the sake of comparison, this is 276 vs. 249.

An update

Dear goodness this is a busy time of year!  I'm loving being back at work.... seeing everyone, having the routine, the excitement!  It's wonderful!
On the weight loss front I'm doing alright too.  I've been waking up SUPER early to ride my bike before going in, and it feels amazing!  I also joined a gym that I pass on my way home, so I'll have no excuses!  I'm going in to work tomorrow to do some prep and room clean up, and I plan to stop by in the afternoon on my way home. 

Wednesday weigh in

Out of the 250's!!!
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Yes!

I didn't think I could do it, but I did!
I rolled my butt out of bed at 5 AM today and rode my bike for 45 minutes!  It equates to about five miles!
I feel really good about this, and now I have a full day of work ahead of me.  We'll see how that goes.

My summer in review

Today marks the end of my summer. Tomorrow I'm back to work full time. The kids come on August 10, so I have a few days to get things ready. It's amazing to think how quickly the summer has flown by!
My summer was amazing. I accomplished a lot, and I grew a lot. I'm heading into this next school year with a different perspective and focus. It's a good thing.

What I did not do this summer:

• stay on track with my work. I'm contracted through ASU to write some teacher training protocols, and I have procrastinated doing these. I finished one, and I have two more to go. My intent was to finish these early in the summer, but it just didn't happen. Fortunately my boss for this project is very flexible.
• organize and de-clutter my home. It's still a bit disorganized and chaotic.

What I did do this summer:

• started eating healthier and exercising. I've lost 30+ pounds and I feel fantastic. I get to shop for new clothes today! I cleaned out my closet yesterday and took out stacks of old things that are worn out and too big.  I'm not nearly done with my weight loss, but it's a big start and I'm proud of it.
• reconnected with my husband. Circumstances beyond our control forced us to spend more time apart than we're used to. It's been a very good thing, because we reconnected and are dedicated to making changes this school year to ensure we stay that way. He usually stays up later than I do, which is cool, except we got into the habit of me just going to bed. We've committed to spending at least four nights a week laying down together and just talking, cuddling, etc. before I go to sleep.  It's working very well so far and I appreciate the time to just be with him. We are also committing to spending one week night a week with no television or internet. We're not exactly sure what this is going to look like, but I anticipate it will involve board games, walks, going to plays, spending time with family and possibly even taking in some local school sporting events. I'm looking forward to this time so much.
• spent quality time with every member of my family. I made two trips to Tennessee, the last of which was to retrieve my grandmother. We have no family left out there, and she's been living alone for years in a huge house. We found an assisted care facility three miles from my house, and she agreed to move there! I brought her back last weekend and she's been settling in very well. I love going to spend time with her; in fact, we're having lunch with her today.
• found out my step-grandmother has pancreatic cancer. She's an amazing woman and I'm so sad to know she has a tough, painful road ahead.
• grew stronger.  I grew in so many ways it's not even funny.  I've had to exercise extreme patience and compassion.  I'm learning to slow down and enjoy moments, and to not take things for granted.  I feel so lucky and so loved.

I'm ready to go back to work.  I've got my class list and I've written letters to my students.  I'm ready to get to know them and love them.  I'm ready to continue taking care of myself and being there for my family.  It's been an incredible summer and I'm sad to see it end, but I'm excited about learning what the future holds for me!

Oh goodie

I started my much awaited and anticipated period this morning!  Along with it, I'm experiencing a 1.8 lb gain since yesterday! 
Guess that thing about my BMI being under 40 will just have to wait...

On the brink of something big

I just realized, in looking at my ticker, I am sooooo close to reaching my next goal.  0.4 pounds away, in fact.  My goal?  To have a BMI under 40, which moves me from the morbidly obese category to the plain 'ol obese category.  Maybe I'll reach that tomorrow.  Either way, I'm ecstatic to think about that.

Ohhhh yeah! Wednesday weigh in!

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It is what it is...

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, and I'm afraid it's not going to be so great.  This week has been incredibly stressful, with getting Grandma moved and settled, and starting back to work.  I've eaten a lot of things I probably shouldn't have.  I haven't exercised.  I'm beating myself up and I shouldn't be.  I've done some amazing work over the last two months, more than I ever could have imagined this time last year.  I can't give up yet!  I keep telling myself it's alright; soon I will be back to my work routine, and eating healthy will be easy. 
We'll see what the scale says in the morning.  I may need to do some positive affirmation work after I'm done weighing!

An update of sorts...

I started back to work yesterday and it wasn't horrible.  I actually enjoyed the training I had on common core standards, even though it was a lot of sitting and listening all day.  I've got another full day of that today, then I'm free to do some planning and set up work in my classroom for the next few days this week. 
It's awesome having my grandmother living so close to me.  I've stopped by every day since we checked her into her facility on Saturday.  She's looking great and feeling great, and I am so happy she's here. 
On the diet/weight loss front, I've been focusing on other things.  I'm consciously trying to watch my portion size because I've been eating some not so diet friendly foods.  I haven't exercised since Thursday, though I got a good power walk in huffing it around the airport on Saturday, and I did a bunch of shopping and walking on Sunday.  I'm going to strive to exercise at least three times this week, but we'll see.  I know this is a transitional time right now, as we get Grandma settled and I start a new school year.  Once I get into the routine of working again, we'll be eating at home more and I'll have time to exercise.  I don't want to ditch the efforts I've made thus far, and I know I need to continue for my health.  I'm just finding that I have way less free time than I did a few weeks ago, so I'm having to prioritize.
In other news, the scale is still cooperating for the most part.  Tomorrow is my weigh in day and considering how I've been eating, I'll be happy with any loss!

What a trip!

Well, I'm back.  Thank goodness!  This trip was absolutely exhausting emotionally and physically.  We sorted through so much stuff at my grandmother's house and go her ready to make the trip out here to live.  I traveled with her yesterday, which was extremely exhausting... like, beyond extremely exhausting.
She's settling in to her new place, and it's so great I can go over and see her any time I want, instead of having to fly for 6+ hours to get to her.  It's wonderful!!!

I hopped on the scale this morning, just out of curiosity, and I have LOST WEIGHT!  1.6 pounds since Wednesday!  I'm amazed.  I was eating chocolate fudge cake, chocolate candy and bbq.  Um ok.  I guess I did get a lot of exercise though-- in addition to walking through the airport, then up and down the stairs at Grandma's house carrying stuff, I did go for a 3 mile walk in the park on Thursday.  Who knows what did it, I'm sure happy about it!

I should exercise today, but I'm not going to because I have what I lovingly refer to as the "fat girl chafe."  Yeah, it's all red and irritated in the folds of my skin from a combination of things I know...  I washed my clothes with Grandma's detergent, which is very different from the Tide we use.  Then I did a lot of walking in a lot of humid air, which I'm not used to.  Then yesterday I put scented powder on, which I think further irritated things.  I was using ice packs last night to relieve the sting.  It's better today, but I'm still going to have to be careful and limit my activity for a day or so to let it heal. 

I start work tomorrow.  I'm so not ready!!!

Weigh in

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TN again

I'm leaving for TN again in the morning.  Going to spend a few days helping my mom clean out my grandmother's house, then bringing my grandma back with me to AZ.  She'll be moving into an assisted care facility near my house and I cannot wait!  We have no family left in TN, so it makes sense for Grandma to come here. 
Have I mentioned I hate flying?  Yeah, I loathe it.  I'm looking forward to being there one more time, and I am beyond excited about having Grandma live close to me, but I'm dreading the trip out and back. 
I'm feeling stressed about all of this, and stressed about work starting full time next week.  I want to know what happened to my summer?!?

tired

I feel really tired today.  I'm really hungry too.  We had a good weekend-- very relaxing, quality time together.  I didn't really like losing $200 at the casino, but whatever.  It was fun.

I had intended to wake up and exercise this morning, but instead I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee.  I've got a lot on my plate this coming week, and I figure it's fine to take another day off.  I did get up and walk on Saturday before we left, but yesterday I didn't do any exercising.  I may do it later today, or I may not.  I suppose in addition to feeling tired and hungry, I'm feeling apathetic.  I'm pretty sure it's PMS related too.  I felt bloated all weekend, and today I just feel blah. 

The good news is the scale was kind to me this morning-- 257.4.  Surprising, considering how I ate this weekend.

Drumroll, please...

Today's weight:  257.8!  Yessir, I'm seeing numbers I haven't seen in a long time.

I'm a little worried, because we're going away tomorrow night to celebrate our anniversary.  I know that two days of eating garbage isn't going to kill me, but still... I have in my mind a vision of myself at a certain weight by a certain time, and each time I have one of these "cheat" episodes, that gets pushed back.  It's a constant battle going on in my head.  I know I'm doing well, making good choices, incorporating more exercise, and feeling better.  At the same time, I know that when I don't exercise for a day or two and/or I eat less healthy foods, I am not doing the best thing for myself.  I can easily see how a person could have an eating disorder; I'm obsessed with thinking about how much I've eaten, how I haven't eaten well, haven't exercised, etc.  Is there a good way to switch this thinking?  I need to focus more on the positive things I am doing.  I am exercising several times a week, so who cares if I miss a day or two?!?  I am eating way healthier, so who cares if I slip up every now and then? 

Let me just say this:  in a way I'm very glad to be starting back to work soon.  I will have much less time to obsess about what I'm eating.  Summer is always a tough time for me because I do enjoy having time off, but I tend to get a little OCD over things.

What happens when you eat froyo for dinner?

You gain .6 lb overnight.

Yeah.  We grilled tuna steaks last night and I just couldn't eat it.  It was dry, flavorless, and blah.  It probably didn't help that I wasn't excited about the sides at all either.  (Broccoli and dry brown rice).

So we went for frozen yogurt after dinner.  I could have done way worse-- I chose to have a little vanilla with some tart, topped with delicious fruit.  This is a far cry from what I would have done three months ago.  Then it would have been chocolate topped with hot fudge, sprinkles, and maybe some marshmallow cream.

But anyway, the scale showed a gain.  It's all good, because I know it will come back down, and .6 isn't much of a gain at all.

I think I way overdid the exercise thing the other night.  Both legs are hurting, just above the knee.  I don't know if that's a muscle or a ligament or what.  It's sore and I feel some pain getting up from a seated position.  I didn't work out this morning when I woke up, as I have been doing.  I'm thinking I will go to the mall this afternoon and look around, because that will give me a little bit of exercise and help stretch these leg muscles. 

In other news, I cleaned up the kitchen some this morning, in preparation for the housekeepers tomorrow.  Yeah, I clean for the cleaners.  I finally got around to throwing away some of the Easter candy I had stashed in various places.  It gave me great satisfaction to throw a cookies and cream chocolate bunny in the trash.  Yeah!

No loss, no gain

I'm incredibly surprised I didn't gain weight after yesterday's episode.  Today was my official weigh-in day, and though I didn't see a loss between yesterday and today, I'm thrilled.  Especially when you consider I was down a full pound yesterday.  That had to be some kind of fluke.

Anyway, my weekly loss is 3.2 pounds.  I can handle that.  Yeah, I'd like the weight to just melt off, but I know that's not healthy or possible.  I've got to keep reminding myself that it's about so much more than numbers!

Mini-vacation this weekend to celebrate our second anniversary.  Should  be fun, and hopefully I can stay on track to be able to report at least a 3 lb loss again next Wednesday.

On another note, I know what I'm going to miss most when I go back to work in just a few short weeks.  I'm going to miss my morning time.  I've grown especially fond of waking up early, throwing on the workout clothes and getting in a good hour before I'm awake enough to complain about it.  I just don't think I'll be able to get out of bed early enough on work days to make this happen, considering I leave the house by 6:45.  Yeah, I'd have to get up by 4:30 and that's just not in the cards for me.

Not a total sabotage, but still...

I feel a little down about what happened today.  I wouldn't say I completely sabotaged all of my efforts, and I wouldn't say I totally threw all of my hard work out the window, but I will say I made a big mistake.  I waited too long to eat, and when I did eat, I ATE.  I'm talking 2.5 bowls of soup and 3 FULL plates of salad at the Olive Garden, followed by 1/2 a dark chocolate bar when I got home.  Now I do know I could have done WAAAAY worse than a soup and salad binge, but still... I lost control.  I was in the eating zone.  I wasn't thinking about anything other than how much food I could shovel in. 

On a positive note, I wasn't going to exercise today at all, just because of time.  I harnessed up the dogs and did a one mile walk/run.  It was hot as all heck out there-- well over 100 at 8:15 PM.  It felt good to sweat, and I actually felt lighter and more energetic than the last time I walked the dogs, which was like 3 weeks ago.  This dang heat!  My pups need walking! 

Tomorrow is my weigh in day.  We'll see what happens.  Onward and upward, right?

Consistently Inconsistent

I have a true love-hate relationship with my scale.  Lately it's been a love relationship.  It's been consistently giving me lower numbers every day!  (Yes, I am an every day weigher, even though I know that's not good).  I'm getting numbers that are lower by .2, .4, .6... I'll take it!  Every bit counts, right?

Today I got on and I'm a full pound lighter than yesterday.  A full pound!  I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did yesterday that's different from the last few days.  Is it the artificial sweetener?  No, I had two big glasses of Crystal Light yesterday.  Coffee?  No, I had my usual cup of iced black coffee.  Ice cream?  Nope, not that either-- I had my Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich last night after dinner.  Exercise?  Hmmm... I didn't exercise yesterday!  WHAT?!?  Not exercising is resulting in a greater loss than exercising?!? 

You can imagine what this revelation has done for my motivation today.  Yeah, I was contemplating putting on my shoes and doing a little jog before I dress and go into work.  Instead I'm here, having my coffee, in my pj's.  We'll see what happens tomorrow, which is my official weigh in day!

Who noticed? My boss did, that's who!

I went to work on Friday and the school was pretty much a ghost town.  My two teammates were there, along with the maintenance crew.  No one said a thing about my weight loss, and that's cool.  We spent the day looking at curriculum and planning for the coming school year.

Today the school was hopping, because summer school was in session.  I saw tons of people, including my student teacher.  She mentioned that my hair has gotten longer, which it has.  As I was getting ready to leave for the day, I stepped into my boss's office to talk to her about how her summer has been going.  As I stood up to leave, she told me I am looking great, and she asked what I've been doing to lose weight.  YEAH!!!  I didn't expect anyone to say anything to me, and really I don't care what anyone thinks at all... this journey is about me, and how I feel.  It's about making positive changes that are resulting in weight loss and better health.  It's about taking care of myself and doing what I need to do in order be healthy and happy.

Ohhhhh yeah!

Just the motivation I need to exercise this morning!

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I don't see much of a difference, but whatever...

276#

260#

 

 

 

Wednesday's official weigh in weight

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will they notice?

I have a meeting on Friday with my co-workers.  I'm wondering if they'll notice my weight loss?  Since the last time I saw them, I've lost 25 pounds.  I can see a slight difference in my appearance, but nothing drastic.  The biggest difference is in how I feel.  I have so much more energy.  I not longer struggle to get up and down off the floor.  I'm happier.  I'm proud of my accomplishment and excited to see just how far I can go.

It doesn't really matter what my co-workers think and I know that.  It would be really nice if someone said something, though. 

I did it!

I exercised this morning, for a long time.  Like over an hour and a half.  I ran (yes, ran!) for 30+ minutes.  The Wii said I burned nearly 800 calories.  I'm not sure how accurate that is, but I'm sure I burned a lot.

The scale was unkind this morning.  I showed a 1.6 lb gain.  Probably due to the night of drinking the husband and I had on Friday.  Lesson learned; I was sick as a dog yesterday.

Momentum

I'm finding it difficult to maintain the momentum I had for exercise a few weeks ago.  I'm making excuses to not exercise, even though I feel so much better when I do.  I've gone from exercising every day, sometimes twice a day, down to three times a week.  I know this isn't bad, and it's waaaaay more than I was exercising even six weeks ago.  I'm attributing it to the severe heat (it was 117 today) and general life stress.  The work I've been putting off is piling up, I'm dealing with a ton of family stuff, and I've been just feeling overwhelmed in general.  My summer is quickly coming to an end, and the lofty plans I had for organizing things and cleaning have gone undone.

On a positive note, I've managed to drop a lot of weight in the last five or six weeks.  My clothes fit better.  I've had to buy new clothes!  I wore a dress out in public last night and did not feel uncomfortable at all.  I'm making very good food choices and have cut waaaaaaay back on the amount of sugar I consume.  I don't feel deprived at all.  I don't feel like I'm dieting or starving or uncomfortable.  I've never had such an easy time losing weight and eating better.  I'm excited to see just how much I can lose by changing what I'm eating in addition to greatly reducing my portion size. 

I guess it's ok that I've lost some of my exercise momentum.  I plan to get up tomorrow and exercise, no excuses.  And I know I'll feel better when I do.

Negative self-talk

I beat myself up.  It's a horrible habit I have.  I'm working on reducing the amount of negative self-talk I have, and since I've been eating better and exercising more, it's getting better.  I no longer have guilt over what I'm eating.  I do, however, have worrying thoughts of failure.  I'm afraid I am going to end up sabotaging my efforts.  I'm afraid I am losing weight too quickly, and too easily.  I'm afraid I am going to plateau and lose my momentum.  It's silly, self-defeating talk that I need to stop. 

I look at what I've accomplished in the last five weeks.  Yes, just five weeks!  I started this "diet" purely by chance.  An upset stomach during my birthday weekend resulted in missing my birthday dinner at my favorite steak house.  It morphed into a strange loss of taste for fatty, sugary foods.  A reset button was pushed on my appetite and I am so grateful for it. 

Five weeks later, I'm down from 291 to 264.  I haven't been this "small" in three years or more.  I'm anxious to get into the 250s soon, so I can comfortably say I'm back at my previous weight, the weight I was at when I  met and married my first husband.  The weight I stayed at for a good six years until I started a low carb crash diet.  Five weeks is all it's taken me to lose 27 pounds.  I feel smaller.  When I put my hands on my hips, I can feel that my body has changed.  My clothes are too loose.  I bought a dress yesterday, and I plan to wear it out on a date with my husband on Thursday.  I haven't comfortably worn a dress in a long time.  I look at the number 264 and think it's way too large, too big, too unhealthy.  In comparison to 291 it's a good number, and I need to be proud of not only having a smaller weight but the choices I'm making to get there.

Negative talk needs to stop, and I need to focus on the things I'm doing well.  Easier said than done though.

A breakthrough

I decided to do some shopping for clothes today.  I haven't tried on clothes in several weeks, so I was surprised and very pleased to know I've gone down a size in shirt and in bottoms!  I'm in a 22 again for the first time in a LOOOOONG time.
I also decided I am no longer going to be afraid of sleeveless shirts.  It's summer.  It's 110 degrees outside.  It's ridiculous to hide behind sleeves because I think my arms are fat.
I found some tanks for $5 and I bought them.  And I plan to wear them (out of the house even!), starting tomorrow.

Happy Sunday!

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Working on getting motivated...

It's always nice to get away for a vacation, but it's so hard for me to get back into the groove of things when I get back.  Yesterday I avoided the Wii like the plague.  I also didn't walk the dog.  I'm not sure what happened to my motivation, because today I don't feel like doing anything either.  The good news?  I'm still making great choices with food, and the scale very kindly read 268.6 this morning.  Maybe I just need another cup or two of coffee to get me going this morning?

I'm back!

I had a great time visiting with family and old friends.  It was wonderful to get away, but just as wonderful to be back.  I did a decent job of eating well and walking every day.  I'm  pleased with myself and was very glad to see the scale say 269.2 this morning!!!

Daily stuff

272.0

Breakfast:  1/2 cantaloupe, peach with cottage cheese

Lunch:  small bowl of leftover Mongolian bbq

Snack:  Special K bar

Dinner:   Dill salmon, 1/2 small piece of bread, 2/3 baked potato with just a little sour cream, salad with blue cheese on the side

Exercise:  46 min on Wii, 286 calories burned, also walked the dog a mile!

Getting ready to leave on vacation tomorrow, so it will be interesting to see how well I'm able to continue exercising and eating well!  :)

Daily stuff

Weight:
273.2
Food:
Breakfast: 80 calorie bran muffin, 1/2 cantaloupe, coffee

Lunch: 1/2 veggie sandwich (roasted pepper, mozzarella cheese, avacado, sprouts, lettuce, tomato), cup of asparagus soup, 1/3 of Greek salad

Snack:  Special K bar, mango, Ghirardeli chocolate square

Snack #2 (yeah, I was hungry today!):  scoop of tuna, lettuce, tomato

Dinner:  Innards of a chile-lime salmon burrito from Rubios, a few bites of beans


Exercise: 46 min on Wii, 344 cal burned!  Also walked the dog a mile.  :)

My day

Today was a really good day for me.  I had lunch with my step-grandmother and got to spend some time visiting with her, which was really nice.  I got a ton of exercise time in, ate well, and had an overall great day!

Breakfast:  leftover veggie sandwich from last night, minus most of the bread, cottage cheese and a peach

Lunch:  tuna stuffed tomato on a bed of lettuce, fresh fruit

Snack:  Protein bar (kinda gross), granola with kefir, one Ghirardeli chocolate square

Dinner:  Mongolian bbq (yes, again!), small dish of vanilla and chocolate froyo

Daily exercise:  45 min on the Wii, and another two miles walking later in the evening!

And the scale said...

An ultra-motivating 273.8.  I don't feel like exercising today, but seeing that number on the scale  this morning is enough to kick my butt into gear.  I think I overdid it yesterday a bit, so I am going to tone it down some today.  I'm thinking I'll go 30 minutes on the Wii this morning, then walk the dog this evening. 
I knew the scale was going to be kind to me this morning when I woke up.  For whatever reason, I just felt smaller.  I love that feeling of knowing I'm shrinking and being able to feel it (finally!).  I'm surprised at how much easier this has been than any of my battles with weight before.  I think because in the past I took an all or nothing approach.  I've done Atkins a few times with great success, only to go back to old ways of eating during stressful times.  The difference with what I'm doing now is I'm consciously making better choices-- like eating broccoli instead of french fries.  If there's something I really want, I eat it.  Instead of eating the whole thing, though, I have a little bit.  I had a small scoop of soy ice cream last night and it was delicious.  I ate it slowly and tried to really savor the flavors of it, and a little was just enough.
I'm confident I will be able to maintain this way of eating for a long time.  I know it's good for my body and it has finally given my mind the break it's needed for so long.  There's no more negative dialogue going on in my head about what I'm eating.  No more guilt, no more beating myself up for having three twinkies in three minutes just because they were there.  I feel good about myself and the choices I'm making.  It's an awesome feeling and I intend to keep doing it!

Daily food log

Breakfast:  small bran muffin (80 cal) from Trader Joe's, 1/2 cup cottage cheese with peach

Lunch:  Greek salad with dressing on side, 1/4 piece of bread, 1/4 pita with hummus, side of fruit

Snack:  Fruit smoothie made with Greek yogurt, a little kefir, blueberries, pineapple, 1/2 an apple, 1/2 a banana, 1/2 scoop of vanilla Slimfast powder, and some carrots.  Special K bar a little after the smoothie.

Dinner:  1/2  open faced veggie sandwich (goat cheese, spinach, squash, grilled sweet potato, roasted red pepper), corn & bean salad, bowl of minestrone soup.



I feel like I'm eating a TON of fruit today.  I know that's not horrible, considering I had fruit for dessert instead of pie at lunch.  I also exercised for 1 hour and 5 minutes on the Wii this morning, burning 452 calories.  And guess what?!?  I did a 10 minute walk/jog, jogging for more than I walked.  Holy wow!  I walked the dog a mile after dinner.  Great day food AND exercise-wise!

Feeling successful

Today's weight:  275.2
I honestly can't remember the last time I saw a number this low on the scale.  I'm worried it's not real-- that means I've lost over 1.5 lbs in a day?!?  In the last two days, I have added GNC's energy and metabolism vitamins, and I've upped my exercise to at least an hour a day.  Maybe it's really working?  Not going to over-analyze, just going to accept and be pleased with my efforts.  It's not about a number anyway, right?

Daily food

Breakfast: smoothie made with 1/2 scoop Slimfast powder, mango, mixed berries, Greek yogurt and an egg.

Lunch: see photo below!

Snack: Special K double chocolate bar-- YUM! Handful of walnuts.

Dinner: Leftover stirfry from last night, 3 bites of cottage cheese and one Ghirardeli chocolate square.

I worked out for over an hour on the Wii as well today!

Continuing to make good food choices, and that makes me very proud. Also, since I know for a fact I haven't eaten anything fried in the last two weeks, I want to challenge myself to eat nothing fried for the entire month! I think I can do it, though it will be hard since I'm going on vacation on Wednesday!
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Happiness flow chart

Lunch

Yum! Tuna made with a tiny bit of mayo, cilantro and red onion. Field greens, tomatoes and carrots.

The day after...

276.8!  I'll take it!
I'm stiff and sore from playing the Wii.  I find that both exciting and hilarious!  I never imagined a video game could actually give me a decent workout, but it has.
Part of my mission today will be to find some workout clothes.  Not an easy thing to do when you're a size 24/26 waist and at least a 3x shirt.  I need spandex shorts, like bike shorts, to keep my thighs from rubbing together.  I'd also like a sleeveless top with a low neck to help me stay cool as I move around.  This is an outfit I'm definitely not ready to leave the house in, but since I'm working indoors and in the privacy of my own home, I think it's all good. 
Fortunately my husband has not laughed too much at me yet.  It's kind of nice actually.  I was afraid I'd be too embarrassed to work out in front of him, just because of how awful and uncoordinated and flabby I must look.  He was extremely supportive and at one time was even cheering me on as I was doing one of the games.  When I was finished and told him how much I'd done, he said he was very happy to see me so excited and he was very proud of me.  That made me feel really good.
In other news... getting ready for my trip to TN next week to see my grandmother.  Should be a lot of fun, as I'll get to see my mom, my brother and his wife, and my niece and nephew.

Fantabulous!

Can I just say, I am in love with my Wii?  I wasn't so enamored with it just a few days ago.  Today I got BOTH the Wii Fit Plus AND Dance Dance Revolution.  I am confident these games are going to transform this couch potato into a workout-aholic!  Holy cow!  I logged over an hour and a half of great workout time today and I feel fantastic!

Food today went well too!  All around fantastic day!

Breakfast-- coffee with a splash of half and half, then a shake made with 1/2 scoop vanilla slimfast, 1/2 banana, some mango, a peach, a little pineapple, an egg and a splash of soy milk.  YUM!

Lunch-- Paradise Bakery!  Cup of fire roasted tomato soup, 1/2 a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread (ditched the top piece).  1/2 of a chocolate chip cookie-- couldn't resist!

Snack-- Slimfast bar.  Not the greatest choice, but it was fast and easy.

Dinner-- YC's Mongolian BBQ!  I had some chicken soup and a little bit of my stir fry.  Brought the rest home to enjoy tomorrow!

I'm loving being on vacation and really proud of what I'm accomplishing so far!!

Yes!!! Finally!

276.8! Going in the right direction!
Getting my wii fit plus today too. Who would've thought I'd be this excited about anything exercise related?!
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Sporadic!

My posts are ridiculously sporadic, and I know that.  Adjusting to a new schedule isn't easy!

I think it would be good for me to start journaling about food I eat.  I may even try to send some photos as well.  We'll see.

But anyway... here's today's eats so far:

Breakfast:  blended smoothie, made with chocolate slimfast powder, an egg (yes, I ate a raw egg!), walnuts, Greek yogurt and a 1/2 a banana.  It was so delicious and  really filling!

Snack:  1/2 granola bar, blueberries

Lunch:  6" turkey sub from subway, minus about 1/2 of the bread, loaded with veggies and topped with mustard.  1/2 dill pickle.  Pineapple for dessert.

Dinner:  SW chicken sandwiches (grilled chicken, grilled hatch chilis, pepperjack cheese on a sandwich thin), broccoli with lemon juice, salad with a tiny amount of dressing, and cottage cheese with a peach.

Snack:  fresh mango and blueberries

Exercise:  30 min walk/jog with the dog

I'm really proud of myself for what I'm doing.  Making smarter choices and incorporating more fruits and veggies into my eating.  It's been surprisingly easy and I'm really happy about that!

Considering getting a Wii fit... not sure yet, need to do some more research.

positivity

277.4 again today.
I'm refusing to get frustrated.  Yesterday I wore a pair of shorts that I have been wearing, but normally they are tight.  Without thinking, I pulled them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them.  I'm going to believe this means I'm losing some weight, or at least some inches.  I'm staying positive despite what the scale says, because I know I am making excellent choices for my body and my health.  I mean, we went to Logan's last night and I had salmon, half a plain baked sweet potato and a side salad with just a tiny bit of dressing.  I completely avoided the yeast rolls.  GO ME!!!

I hate the scale

I officially want to throw my scale out the window.  I want to see it shatter into a thousand pieces.  I've gained four pounds since yesterday.  Four pounds?!?  How is that possible?  I've cut out sugar, white flour and fried foods.  I drink a ton of water and I'm walking at least 30 min almost every day.  I'm going to chalk it up to water weight gain, and shrug it off, but it's soooo hard! 

ARGH!!!

277.6
So the trend continues and I'm GAINING.  I'm going to attribute it to water weight (yeah, that's it!) and keep pushing forward.
I don't think I'm going to make the mini-goal I had set of being under 270 when I go on vacation on the 15th.  It's OK, though.  I have to remember that it's alright and I'm doing a great thing by changing my eating habits.  I'm being very mindful about what I'm eating, and I have almost completely cut out white flour and sugar from my diet.  This is a HUGE step for me.

I'm gaining?!?

Yes, I'm gaining weight.  Steadily. 
June 2 I was 276.0
June 3 I was 276.8
June 4 I was 277.2
Today I'm at 277.4


WHAT THE HECK?
I'm not going to get frustrated, not going to give up.
I KNOW I shouldn't be weighing myself every day, but the OCD me can't help it. 
I'm going to continue doing what I've been doing, because I'm proud of myself for it.  I'm making great strides in reducing/eliminating carbs from my diet and adding exercise.  AND I've had a rough last couple of days.  I went to afternoon tea on Friday with my stepmom and her mom, where I ate a bunch of finger sandwiches and some scones.  Yesterday was my niece's birthday and I ate some pizza and cake.  I shouldn't expect EVERY day to be a great day, right?  Life happens, and I'm going to have days where I eat things I shouldn't.  The most important thing is that I TRY to make better choices over all, and I did that yesterday by ordering salmon for dinner instead off prime rib.  Go me n stuff!

Today

It was a tough day, but I think I made the most of it.  My niece had her birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza, and I made the mistake of not eating before we went.  Two pieces of pizza and a piece of cake later, I wanted to slap myself.  Dinner was better-- we went to Outback with some friends and I had salmon and veggies, with no butter. 
I actually did a little jogging during my walk with the dog tonight.  Yes, me.  Yes, jogged.  Not far, mind you, but still.  I'm proud of myself.

First post

I decided I needed a place to blab about my efforts to lose weight.  I'm serious about it this time.  I have no choice.  I'm 36 years old and tired of being unhealthy.  Yes, I'd love to be skinny and "hot".  I know that is most likely not going to ever happen.  I've come to terms with that, and I'm working now on becoming more healthy.  This means making better food choices and being mindful of my portions.  I'm not following any specific weight loss plan, rather I am trying to cut out all sugar and white flour.  I'm also making a conscientious effort to exercise more.
I have been following this for about two weeks now, and I'm very pleased with the results I am already seeing.  I didn't buy a scale until I was more than a week into this change, so I'm using my start weight of 291, which is what I weighed the last time I went to the doctor.
This morning I weighed in at 277.2.