Sunday, July 31, 2011

My summer in review

Today marks the end of my summer. Tomorrow I'm back to work full time. The kids come on August 10, so I have a few days to get things ready. It's amazing to think how quickly the summer has flown by!
My summer was amazing. I accomplished a lot, and I grew a lot. I'm heading into this next school year with a different perspective and focus. It's a good thing.

What I did not do this summer:
  • stay on track with my work. I'm contracted through ASU to write some teacher training protocols, and I have procrastinated doing these. I finished one, and I have two more to go. My intent was to finish these early in the summer, but it just didn't happen. Fortunately my boss for this project is very flexible.
  • organize and de-clutter my home. It's still a bit disorganized and chaotic.

What I did do this summer:
  • started eating healthier and exercising. I've lost 30+ pounds and I feel fantastic. I get to shop for new clothes today! I cleaned out my closet yesterday and took out stacks of old things that are worn out and too big.  I'm not nearly done with my weight loss, but it's a big start and I'm proud of it.
  • reconnected with my husband. Circumstances beyond our control forced us to spend more time apart than we're used to. It's been a very good thing, because we reconnected and are dedicated to making changes this school year to ensure we stay that way. He usually stays up later than I do, which is cool, except we got into the habit of me just going to bed. We've committed to spending at least four nights a week laying down together and just talking, cuddling, etc. before I go to sleep.  It's working very well so far and I appreciate the time to just be with him. We are also committing to spending one week night a week with no television or internet. We're not exactly sure what this is going to look like, but I anticipate it will involve board games, walks, going to plays, spending time with family and possibly even taking in some local school sporting events. I'm looking forward to this time so much.
  • spent quality time with every member of my family. I made two trips to Tennessee, the last of which was to retrieve my grandmother. We have no family left out there, and she's been living alone for years in a huge house. We found an assisted care facility three miles from my house, and she agreed to move there! I brought her back last weekend and she's been settling in very well. I love going to spend time with her; in fact, we're having lunch with her today.
  • found out my step-grandmother has pancreatic cancer. She's an amazing woman and I'm so sad to know she has a tough, painful road ahead.
  • grew stronger.  I grew in so many ways it's not even funny.  I've had to exercise extreme patience and compassion.  I'm learning to slow down and enjoy moments, and to not take things for granted.  I feel so lucky and so loved.
I'm ready to go back to work.  I've got my class list and I've written letters to my students.  I'm ready to get to know them and love them.  I'm ready to continue taking care of myself and being there for my family.  It's been an incredible summer and I'm sad to see it end, but I'm excited about learning what the future holds for me!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Oh goodie

I started my much awaited and anticipated period this morning!  Along with it, I'm experiencing a 1.8 lb gain since yesterday! 
Guess that thing about my BMI being under 40 will just have to wait...

Friday, July 29, 2011

On the brink of something big

I just realized, in looking at my ticker, I am sooooo close to reaching my next goal.  0.4 pounds away, in fact.  My goal?  To have a BMI under 40, which moves me from the morbidly obese category to the plain 'ol obese category.  Maybe I'll reach that tomorrow.  Either way, I'm ecstatic to think about that.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

It is what it is...

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, and I'm afraid it's not going to be so great.  This week has been incredibly stressful, with getting Grandma moved and settled, and starting back to work.  I've eaten a lot of things I probably shouldn't have.  I haven't exercised.  I'm beating myself up and I shouldn't be.  I've done some amazing work over the last two months, more than I ever could have imagined this time last year.  I can't give up yet!  I keep telling myself it's alright; soon I will be back to my work routine, and eating healthy will be easy. 
We'll see what the scale says in the morning.  I may need to do some positive affirmation work after I'm done weighing!

An update of sorts...

I started back to work yesterday and it wasn't horrible.  I actually enjoyed the training I had on common core standards, even though it was a lot of sitting and listening all day.  I've got another full day of that today, then I'm free to do some planning and set up work in my classroom for the next few days this week. 
It's awesome having my grandmother living so close to me.  I've stopped by every day since we checked her into her facility on Saturday.  She's looking great and feeling great, and I am so happy she's here. 
On the diet/weight loss front, I've been focusing on other things.  I'm consciously trying to watch my portion size because I've been eating some not so diet friendly foods.  I haven't exercised since Thursday, though I got a good power walk in huffing it around the airport on Saturday, and I did a bunch of shopping and walking on Sunday.  I'm going to strive to exercise at least three times this week, but we'll see.  I know this is a transitional time right now, as we get Grandma settled and I start a new school year.  Once I get into the routine of working again, we'll be eating at home more and I'll have time to exercise.  I don't want to ditch the efforts I've made thus far, and I know I need to continue for my health.  I'm just finding that I have way less free time than I did a few weeks ago, so I'm having to prioritize.
In other news, the scale is still cooperating for the most part.  Tomorrow is my weigh in day and considering how I've been eating, I'll be happy with any loss!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

What a trip!

Well, I'm back.  Thank goodness!  This trip was absolutely exhausting emotionally and physically.  We sorted through so much stuff at my grandmother's house and go her ready to make the trip out here to live.  I traveled with her yesterday, which was extremely exhausting... like, beyond extremely exhausting.
She's settling in to her new place, and it's so great I can go over and see her any time I want, instead of having to fly for 6+ hours to get to her.  It's wonderful!!!

I hopped on the scale this morning, just out of curiosity, and I have LOST WEIGHT!  1.6 pounds since Wednesday!  I'm amazed.  I was eating chocolate fudge cake, chocolate candy and bbq.  Um ok.  I guess I did get a lot of exercise though-- in addition to walking through the airport, then up and down the stairs at Grandma's house carrying stuff, I did go for a 3 mile walk in the park on Thursday.  Who knows what did it, I'm sure happy about it!

I should exercise today, but I'm not going to because I have what I lovingly refer to as the "fat girl chafe."  Yeah, it's all red and irritated in the folds of my skin from a combination of things I know...  I washed my clothes with Grandma's detergent, which is very different from the Tide we use.  Then I did a lot of walking in a lot of humid air, which I'm not used to.  Then yesterday I put scented powder on, which I think further irritated things.  I was using ice packs last night to relieve the sting.  It's better today, but I'm still going to have to be careful and limit my activity for a day or so to let it heal. 

I start work tomorrow.  I'm so not ready!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

TN again

I'm leaving for TN again in the morning.  Going to spend a few days helping my mom clean out my grandmother's house, then bringing my grandma back with me to AZ.  She'll be moving into an assisted care facility near my house and I cannot wait!  We have no family left in TN, so it makes sense for Grandma to come here. 
Have I mentioned I hate flying?  Yeah, I loathe it.  I'm looking forward to being there one more time, and I am beyond excited about having Grandma live close to me, but I'm dreading the trip out and back. 
I'm feeling stressed about all of this, and stressed about work starting full time next week.  I want to know what happened to my summer?!?

Monday, July 18, 2011

tired

I feel really tired today.  I'm really hungry too.  We had a good weekend-- very relaxing, quality time together.  I didn't really like losing $200 at the casino, but whatever.  It was fun.

I had intended to wake up and exercise this morning, but instead I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee.  I've got a lot on my plate this coming week, and I figure it's fine to take another day off.  I did get up and walk on Saturday before we left, but yesterday I didn't do any exercising.  I may do it later today, or I may not.  I suppose in addition to feeling tired and hungry, I'm feeling apathetic.  I'm pretty sure it's PMS related too.  I felt bloated all weekend, and today I just feel blah. 

The good news is the scale was kind to me this morning-- 257.4.  Surprising, considering how I ate this weekend.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Drumroll, please...

Today's weight:  257.8!  Yessir, I'm seeing numbers I haven't seen in a long time.

I'm a little worried, because we're going away tomorrow night to celebrate our anniversary.  I know that two days of eating garbage isn't going to kill me, but still... I have in my mind a vision of myself at a certain weight by a certain time, and each time I have one of these "cheat" episodes, that gets pushed back.  It's a constant battle going on in my head.  I know I'm doing well, making good choices, incorporating more exercise, and feeling better.  At the same time, I know that when I don't exercise for a day or two and/or I eat less healthy foods, I am not doing the best thing for myself.  I can easily see how a person could have an eating disorder; I'm obsessed with thinking about how much I've eaten, how I haven't eaten well, haven't exercised, etc.  Is there a good way to switch this thinking?  I need to focus more on the positive things I am doing.  I am exercising several times a week, so who cares if I miss a day or two?!?  I am eating way healthier, so who cares if I slip up every now and then? 

Let me just say this:  in a way I'm very glad to be starting back to work soon.  I will have much less time to obsess about what I'm eating.  Summer is always a tough time for me because I do enjoy having time off, but I tend to get a little OCD over things.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

What happens when you eat froyo for dinner?

You gain .6 lb overnight.

Yeah.  We grilled tuna steaks last night and I just couldn't eat it.  It was dry, flavorless, and blah.  It probably didn't help that I wasn't excited about the sides at all either.  (Broccoli and dry brown rice).

So we went for frozen yogurt after dinner.  I could have done way worse-- I chose to have a little vanilla with some tart, topped with delicious fruit.  This is a far cry from what I would have done three months ago.  Then it would have been chocolate topped with hot fudge, sprinkles, and maybe some marshmallow cream.

But anyway, the scale showed a gain.  It's all good, because I know it will come back down, and .6 isn't much of a gain at all.

I think I way overdid the exercise thing the other night.  Both legs are hurting, just above the knee.  I don't know if that's a muscle or a ligament or what.  It's sore and I feel some pain getting up from a seated position.  I didn't work out this morning when I woke up, as I have been doing.  I'm thinking I will go to the mall this afternoon and look around, because that will give me a little bit of exercise and help stretch these leg muscles. 

In other news, I cleaned up the kitchen some this morning, in preparation for the housekeepers tomorrow.  Yeah, I clean for the cleaners.  I finally got around to throwing away some of the Easter candy I had stashed in various places.  It gave me great satisfaction to throw a cookies and cream chocolate bunny in the trash.  Yeah!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

No loss, no gain

I'm incredibly surprised I didn't gain weight after yesterday's episode.  Today was my official weigh-in day, and though I didn't see a loss between yesterday and today, I'm thrilled.  Especially when you consider I was down a full pound yesterday.  That had to be some kind of fluke.

Anyway, my weekly loss is 3.2 pounds.  I can handle that.  Yeah, I'd like the weight to just melt off, but I know that's not healthy or possible.  I've got to keep reminding myself that it's about so much more than numbers!

Mini-vacation this weekend to celebrate our second anniversary.  Should  be fun, and hopefully I can stay on track to be able to report at least a 3 lb loss again next Wednesday.

On another note, I know what I'm going to miss most when I go back to work in just a few short weeks.  I'm going to miss my morning time.  I've grown especially fond of waking up early, throwing on the workout clothes and getting in a good hour before I'm awake enough to complain about it.  I just don't think I'll be able to get out of bed early enough on work days to make this happen, considering I leave the house by 6:45.  Yeah, I'd have to get up by 4:30 and that's just not in the cards for me.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Not a total sabotage, but still...

I feel a little down about what happened today.  I wouldn't say I completely sabotaged all of my efforts, and I wouldn't say I totally threw all of my hard work out the window, but I will say I made a big mistake.  I waited too long to eat, and when I did eat, I ATE.  I'm talking 2.5 bowls of soup and 3 FULL plates of salad at the Olive Garden, followed by 1/2 a dark chocolate bar when I got home.  Now I do know I could have done WAAAAY worse than a soup and salad binge, but still... I lost control.  I was in the eating zone.  I wasn't thinking about anything other than how much food I could shovel in. 

On a positive note, I wasn't going to exercise today at all, just because of time.  I harnessed up the dogs and did a one mile walk/run.  It was hot as all heck out there-- well over 100 at 8:15 PM.  It felt good to sweat, and I actually felt lighter and more energetic than the last time I walked the dogs, which was like 3 weeks ago.  This dang heat!  My pups need walking! 

Tomorrow is my weigh in day.  We'll see what happens.  Onward and upward, right?

Consistently Inconsistent

I have a true love-hate relationship with my scale.  Lately it's been a love relationship.  It's been consistently giving me lower numbers every day!  (Yes, I am an every day weigher, even though I know that's not good).  I'm getting numbers that are lower by .2, .4, .6... I'll take it!  Every bit counts, right?

Today I got on and I'm a full pound lighter than yesterday.  A full pound!  I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did yesterday that's different from the last few days.  Is it the artificial sweetener?  No, I had two big glasses of Crystal Light yesterday.  Coffee?  No, I had my usual cup of iced black coffee.  Ice cream?  Nope, not that either-- I had my Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich last night after dinner.  Exercise?  Hmmm... I didn't exercise yesterday!  WHAT?!?  Not exercising is resulting in a greater loss than exercising?!? 

You can imagine what this revelation has done for my motivation today.  Yeah, I was contemplating putting on my shoes and doing a little jog before I dress and go into work.  Instead I'm here, having my coffee, in my pj's.  We'll see what happens tomorrow, which is my official weigh in day!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Who noticed? My boss did, that's who!

I went to work on Friday and the school was pretty much a ghost town.  My two teammates were there, along with the maintenance crew.  No one said a thing about my weight loss, and that's cool.  We spent the day looking at curriculum and planning for the coming school year.

Today the school was hopping, because summer school was in session.  I saw tons of people, including my student teacher.  She mentioned that my hair has gotten longer, which it has.  As I was getting ready to leave for the day, I stepped into my boss's office to talk to her about how her summer has been going.  As I stood up to leave, she told me I am looking great, and she asked what I've been doing to lose weight.  YEAH!!!  I didn't expect anyone to say anything to me, and really I don't care what anyone thinks at all... this journey is about me, and how I feel.  It's about making positive changes that are resulting in weight loss and better health.  It's about taking care of myself and doing what I need to do in order be healthy and happy.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Ohhhhh yeah!

Just the motivation I need to exercise this morning!

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

will they notice?

I have a meeting on Friday with my co-workers.  I'm wondering if they'll notice my weight loss?  Since the last time I saw them, I've lost 25 pounds.  I can see a slight difference in my appearance, but nothing drastic.  The biggest difference is in how I feel.  I have so much more energy.  I not longer struggle to get up and down off the floor.  I'm happier.  I'm proud of my accomplishment and excited to see just how far I can go.

It doesn't really matter what my co-workers think and I know that.  It would be really nice if someone said something, though. 

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I did it!

I exercised this morning, for a long time.  Like over an hour and a half.  I ran (yes, ran!) for 30+ minutes.  The Wii said I burned nearly 800 calories.  I'm not sure how accurate that is, but I'm sure I burned a lot.

The scale was unkind this morning.  I showed a 1.6 lb gain.  Probably due to the night of drinking the husband and I had on Friday.  Lesson learned; I was sick as a dog yesterday.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Momentum

I'm finding it difficult to maintain the momentum I had for exercise a few weeks ago.  I'm making excuses to not exercise, even though I feel so much better when I do.  I've gone from exercising every day, sometimes twice a day, down to three times a week.  I know this isn't bad, and it's waaaaay more than I was exercising even six weeks ago.  I'm attributing it to the severe heat (it was 117 today) and general life stress.  The work I've been putting off is piling up, I'm dealing with a ton of family stuff, and I've been just feeling overwhelmed in general.  My summer is quickly coming to an end, and the lofty plans I had for organizing things and cleaning have gone undone.

On a positive note, I've managed to drop a lot of weight in the last five or six weeks.  My clothes fit better.  I've had to buy new clothes!  I wore a dress out in public last night and did not feel uncomfortable at all.  I'm making very good food choices and have cut waaaaaaay back on the amount of sugar I consume.  I don't feel deprived at all.  I don't feel like I'm dieting or starving or uncomfortable.  I've never had such an easy time losing weight and eating better.  I'm excited to see just how much I can lose by changing what I'm eating in addition to greatly reducing my portion size. 

I guess it's ok that I've lost some of my exercise momentum.  I plan to get up tomorrow and exercise, no excuses.  And I know I'll feel better when I do.