I'm doing really well and I'm extremely proud of the progress I'm making. I had a little spell there during September where I was feeling overwhelmed and was relying on chocolate and desserts to make me feel better. I've recently found myfitnesspal.com, and it's helping me track my eating a little better. I've been using it for just over a week now and I am having great success so far. The OCD in me loves the tracking aspect of this program!
Last week I completed my first race. It was so much fun! I'm extremely proud of myself for running the entire thing. My time was 41:52, which is good for me. It means about a 13 minute mile. I did the race to raise money for pancreatic cancer research, and in honor of my step-grandmother who is currently battling pancreatic cancer. It was such an emotional day on so many levels because not only was I doing it for her, I was doing it for myself. Six months ago I weighed almost 300 pounds and couldn't imagine that I would enjoy running. I cried when I crossed the finish line and I'm already looking to see when my next race will be.
This morning I got up early and did 4.7 miles. I walked 1.2 of that and ran the rest. It took me a long time but it's all good; I wasn't familiar with the course and there were some big hills I'm not used to. I love waking up early and running. It just makes me feel so good for the whole rest of the day.
I'm on track for my mini-goal of losing ten pounds to receive a reward of shoes I want. My start weight for that was 231 and I've got to lose 10 pounds. Today I weighed in at 225.6, so as long as I can hold it together and not go crazy at Thanksgiving, I should be at 221 sometime around the first of December. It would be awesome to go into a new year at my next big goal of 212, but I don't know. We'll see.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
thoughts on my body
I received an amazing compliment from a co-worker yesterday. He told me I am an amazing woman, and an inspiration to him and others. He asked me about the 5K I'm running tomorrow and told me I am inspiring him to try and do more exercising. He also said he's so amazed at how much I've accomplished in the last three years, not just physically but personally and professionally. (I know he wasn't flirting with me either, because he's not into women...)
Anyway that got me thinking. It's interesting to me that I've now lost over 60 pounds. Yes. Me. Over sixty pounds lighter. And do you know what? I STILL FEEL FAT AND FLABBY. Yes, I do have a lot more weight to lose. Ideally I'd like to get to around 150-160, which means I have another 70 pounds or so to lose. In my mind I'm chunking that up into more doable mini-goals... I've set a goal to be at 221 by Christmas, which will mean a 10 pound loss from last week. I should be able to lose ten pounds in the six or so weeks left until Christmas. I don't usually do tangible rewards for weight loss, but there's a pair of sparkly purple Vans I have my eye on and I've promised myself those when I hit 221. When I reach 212, I'll be at the lowest weight I've been in 15+ years. After that is the under 200, and just beyond that is the 100 pound loss mark. I know I can continue to lose weight because it's become easy for me. I enjoy exercising and I'm very careful about what I eat now.
I should be proud of myself and excited about how far I've come already, right? I shouldn't feel flabby and unattractive. Clothes shopping is fun for me now because everything I try on fits. I'm not the biggest size in the store and praying they have something that will just be comfortable and not make me feel like a whale. I'm able to try on lots of things and find things that look good.
So why is it that when I look in the mirror, all I see is my giant, flabulous stomach? My legs are amazing. They're pretty much solid muscle. Seriously, you should see them. I'm quite proud of my legs. My arms have shrunk a lot too. My face has a shape again. My breasts have held their own and haven't shrunk too badly. But my stomach. It just hangs there and sticks out. In my mind I know it's much, much smaller than it was and I wonder how in the world I ever carried it around? It seems so big NOW! I can't imagine it was ever smaller!
I know a lot of this is my own body image issue. I'm doing amazing work. I'm down from a pant size 26 to an 18-20 depending on the cut. I'm able to wear an XL shirt instead of a 3X. I have so much more energy than I ever thought possible. I don't hurt getting up off the floor. I'm running 3+ miles several times a week and doing weight training in between. I wonder if I'll ever be satisfied with how I look? I wonder if anyone is?
Anyway that got me thinking. It's interesting to me that I've now lost over 60 pounds. Yes. Me. Over sixty pounds lighter. And do you know what? I STILL FEEL FAT AND FLABBY. Yes, I do have a lot more weight to lose. Ideally I'd like to get to around 150-160, which means I have another 70 pounds or so to lose. In my mind I'm chunking that up into more doable mini-goals... I've set a goal to be at 221 by Christmas, which will mean a 10 pound loss from last week. I should be able to lose ten pounds in the six or so weeks left until Christmas. I don't usually do tangible rewards for weight loss, but there's a pair of sparkly purple Vans I have my eye on and I've promised myself those when I hit 221. When I reach 212, I'll be at the lowest weight I've been in 15+ years. After that is the under 200, and just beyond that is the 100 pound loss mark. I know I can continue to lose weight because it's become easy for me. I enjoy exercising and I'm very careful about what I eat now.
I should be proud of myself and excited about how far I've come already, right? I shouldn't feel flabby and unattractive. Clothes shopping is fun for me now because everything I try on fits. I'm not the biggest size in the store and praying they have something that will just be comfortable and not make me feel like a whale. I'm able to try on lots of things and find things that look good.
So why is it that when I look in the mirror, all I see is my giant, flabulous stomach? My legs are amazing. They're pretty much solid muscle. Seriously, you should see them. I'm quite proud of my legs. My arms have shrunk a lot too. My face has a shape again. My breasts have held their own and haven't shrunk too badly. But my stomach. It just hangs there and sticks out. In my mind I know it's much, much smaller than it was and I wonder how in the world I ever carried it around? It seems so big NOW! I can't imagine it was ever smaller!
I know a lot of this is my own body image issue. I'm doing amazing work. I'm down from a pant size 26 to an 18-20 depending on the cut. I'm able to wear an XL shirt instead of a 3X. I have so much more energy than I ever thought possible. I don't hurt getting up off the floor. I'm running 3+ miles several times a week and doing weight training in between. I wonder if I'll ever be satisfied with how I look? I wonder if anyone is?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Update
I'm proud of the progress I'm making with my workouts. I'm definitely getting stronger and pushing myself more than I ever thought possible. In June, I was challenging myself to jog 60 steps without stopping. At the end of that, I was horribly winded and miserable. Today I walked a mile, then jogged two more miles without stopping. The jogging portion took about 25 minutes, and I could have done more but it was 98 degrees outside and like an idiot I started my workout at 1:30 in the afternoon. Needless to say, next time I plan to start when the sun is a little less intense!
I'm proud of the physical changes I'm seeing as well. I have collar bones and I'm almost down to one chin! I bought some jeans in a size 18 this past weekend, and wore them comfortably today.
I wonder sometimes what took me so long to start this. For years I hated exercise and lived for desserts. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me, but in all honesty I'm a little sad about how much time I wasted being fat, lazy and uncomfortable.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
I'm proud of the physical changes I'm seeing as well. I have collar bones and I'm almost down to one chin! I bought some jeans in a size 18 this past weekend, and wore them comfortably today.
I wonder sometimes what took me so long to start this. For years I hated exercise and lived for desserts. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me, but in all honesty I'm a little sad about how much time I wasted being fat, lazy and uncomfortable.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
right...
So my scale claims I've gained 3.2 pounds in two days.
Yesterday I jogged 4 miles wearing ankle weights. Maybe I've gained that much muscle?
Yesterday I jogged 4 miles wearing ankle weights. Maybe I've gained that much muscle?
Monday, October 10, 2011
plateau?
My weight loss has definitely slowed way down. I don't know that it's necessarily a plateau. I'm thinking more like it's been due to a lot of stress I've had lately. In addition to an observation at work, I had parent/teacher conferences and my mother's wedding this past weekend.
I cope with stress by eating. I've been eating a lot of things I shouldn't. Honestly I'm surprised I've had any loss at all, and I'll take it. I was expecting to see a huge gain after this past weekend. I ate and drank a lot at Mom's wedding. I'm down a pound since last Thursday though, which puts me pretty much back to where I was two weeks ago. I'm hoping now that the stress of these things is over, I can re-focus myself on eating better.
This data is a little depressing:
I cope with stress by eating. I've been eating a lot of things I shouldn't. Honestly I'm surprised I've had any loss at all, and I'll take it. I was expecting to see a huge gain after this past weekend. I ate and drank a lot at Mom's wedding. I'm down a pound since last Thursday though, which puts me pretty much back to where I was two weeks ago. I'm hoping now that the stress of these things is over, I can re-focus myself on eating better.
This data is a little depressing:
| # | Date | Weight | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 10/10/2011 | 234.0 | Edit || Delete |
| 2 | 09/28/2011 | 233.8 | Edit || Delete |
| 3 | 09/27/2011 | 234.8 | Edit || Delete |
| 4 | 09/24/2011 | 235.8 | Edit || Delete |
| 5 | 09/23/2011 | 236.0 | Edit || Delete |
| 6 | 09/21/2011 | 237.6 | Edit || Delete |
| 7 | 09/15/2011 | 235.8 | Edit || Delete |
| 8 | 09/14/2011 | 236.4 | Edit || Delete |
| 9 | 09/11/2011 | 237.6 | Edit || Delete |
Saturday, October 1, 2011
up and down
My weight, my attitude, my love for exercising... it's all going up and down and up and down. I was at 236 this morning. I'm not beating myself up because I'm sure it's a stress thing, a water retention thing, and a PMS thing. This week at work has been insane, with an observation, conference scheduling, and a million meetings and after school obligations. Next weekend is my mom's wedding. My goal was to be at 235 or under for it. I'm close, and since I'm staying in a hotel the night before the wedding, I won't have my scale with me. I'll have no real way of knowing if I actually met that goal or not... and truthfully it doesn't matter. I've lost a lot of weight. I've worked really hard. I'm proud of how my body is looking. I'm excited about the dress I got to wear for her wedding. If I'm 236 or even 240 on her wedding day it doesn't really matter.
I plan to go back to being more careful about what I'm eating after the wedding. I've actually been doing a good job of making it to the gym at least three times a week to do some intense workouts. I'm also looking forward to the weather finally getting under 100 so I can start walking the dogs in the evenings. That will help too I'm sure.
I plan to go back to being more careful about what I'm eating after the wedding. I've actually been doing a good job of making it to the gym at least three times a week to do some intense workouts. I'm also looking forward to the weather finally getting under 100 so I can start walking the dogs in the evenings. That will help too I'm sure.
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